Happy Anniversary!!

Happy Anniversary to Lizard & Rand-Man and Colegate & Aaron.

I just realized I didn’t give the proper congrats to Liz and Ran. Sorry guys, your anniversary fell on a Saturday and I’m useless at remembering dates without my computer. It’s no excuse, I’m pathetic really.

I also realized, I don’t have a photo of you two together. Should I be worried?

Congrats to all of you!

Wait!

I'll just add you in. *snicker*

But how was the rope tied?!?!

When I vacation, I like to move. I like to stay active. I like to run. I like to play. I like to bike. I like to see the sites.

In Tahoe, everyone sat… watched TV… ate… played on the internet…and stared at the walls... all the things I hate to do on vacation. Well... except I like to eat.

Anyway, it was incredibly difficult to not lose my sanity when house bound with 22 other people.

I found myself constantly trying to escape the suffocating overcrowded house by letting my mind wander into the world of books and magazines. I was pretty successful until I was overcome with the urge to visit the bathroom (thanks to the 6 or so ‘medicinal’ glasses of chardonnay) and set my sun glasses inside the pages of my Readers Digest to save my place. I returned to find my sunglasses tossed aside and my previously warm spot on the couch occupied by none other than… the mother of ‘Problem Chuckie’.

Didn’t she have a kid to watch?

I was a bit frustrated… especially since I was right in the middle of reading about the BTK (Bind, Torture, Kill) killer. As someone who was Bound to the house and Tortured by claustrophobia, I was intensely interested in how he pulled off the whole ‘Kill’ part. I wasn’t interested in killing others; I just needed a reliable back-up plan should things get much worse.

No, I didn’t ask her for my magazine back. I figured I’d wait Problem Chuckie’s mother out. Surely she’d have to take a bathroom break and she’d set my magazine down. Then, I could resume the story and figure out how to tie my noose properly.

Well…

She did leave for the bathroom but…

She took my magazine with her.

EEEEEWWWWW! Call me crazy but, once a magazine crosses the threshold into airborne fecal matter, I lose interest.

So much for my back up suicide plan.





When we finally did escape to some sort of activity (the day before we left), I… uhh… struggled. Chris’ brothers and cousins ages averaged between 16 and 20 - all of whom are in high school or collegiate sports. They are a seriously athletic group of people (maybe why that’s why they sat for 6 days solid. It was their first chance in months).

I’ve been accused of being many things but ‘athletic’ isn’t one of them. Sure, people have used the word ‘athletic’ to describe me but it is always preceded by the word ‘not’.

I figured I’d be safe hanging out with the septuagenarian crowd but… damn them for being uber active healthy folks. They should have warned me!

Since when did old people get so spritely?!?!

As we hiked 2 miles up a steep hill, they looked back at me in frustration at my snail pace. It was difficult to blame my heaving on age or the mountain air – mainly because they had 50 years on me and decomposing lungs.

I’m hoping they suffer from severe dementia and won’t spill the beans about my retarded athleticism.





To be continued…

Tomorrow: If I don’t get a notebook right now… I’m going to kill someone.

Tahoe Ta-Sucked..

So.. I went to Lake Tahoe. Before you start to develop a stab of jealousy, let me clarify… I went to Tahoe for a family reunion… not my family. Yeah. Rips the fun right out of a vacation huh?

Chris and I drove up with two of his brothers. His brothers are total sweethearts but… they are also the gassiest people I know. One of them seriously had it bad and was sharing it with us every 20 minutes with the regularity of a metronome.

After 12 HOURS, I was green.

We finally arrived in Tahoe and I nearly rejoiced at the open spaces, the beautiful trees, the gorgeous house… and then we opened the front door and the *excuse me* crap hit the fan. So much so, I was almost willing to jump back into the car with glutious-gassymous and drive home.

I like people - sparingly. I do not like lots of people in cramped spaces. I REALLY do not like 22 people in a 4 bedroom 1,600 square foot house.

I guess I could have overcome the intense bouts of claustrophobia and the attacks of OCD caused by the disarray of the house but... do you remember the movie ‘Problem Child’? I could never get myself to believe the possibility that children could be so easily confused as the spawns of Satan.

I believe now.

One of the kids continually ran around the house screaming… wait… roaring. She threw everything she could lift down the stairs and if it looked valuable, she broke it. Rather than control the brat, her mother disappeared for hours/days at a time.

I struggled to call the kid by her name but ‘Chuckie’ was ever at the tip of my tongue. It really didn’t help matters that her real name began with a ‘C’.

I tried to be a caring person and asked if she would like me to apply sunblock on her tender white skin but she screamed ‘NOOOOOOOOO!’ with such force, you’d have thought I’d just asked to touch her inappropriately. She burned like a lobster and I guess I should have felt bad but I couldn’t help but giggle at the thought that now she truly did resemble the mythical child of the devil.

Every time someone asked if anyone needed anything at the grocery store, I internally screamed, ‘AN EXORCIST AND A 55 GALLON DRUM OF HOLY WATER!’

*On a side note, I finally went to Safeway on my own but they were out of corn, buttermilk, and Catholic priests.

I got a rain check.

Chris and I went to see my brother James and his wife Stef for a day. Their two daughters redeemed the idea of ‘normal’ children for me. As they smothered Chris and me with hugs and love, I couldn’t help but think they were angels. I mean, sure they could have set my car on fire and danced on the ashes while telling me they hated me and kicking my ankles… and STILL come out smelling like roses compared to ‘Problem Chuckie’ but that’s totally beside the point.

Dude & Stef… thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you….


To be continued…

Tomorrow: The BTK killer and Tahoe.

I’ve missed you.

Chris and I got home from our Tahoe trip Saturday night/Sunday morning. I ‘BLOGged’ into a paper journal for the week and I’ll transfer them to Blogger this week.

Insanity breeds good blogging material.

I returned to 768 e-mails. If no one else, at least the spammers missed me.

But…

I’m not blogging about Tahoe today. Two very special items need to be addressed first.

#1 – Nicole got older.

As a younger sister, I enjoy reminding her.

Colegate, thank you for giving me stories that no one believes.

‘Your sIster used to sit on you? Why?!?’

‘Well, her weight was her onLy weapOn.’

Or

‘She used to crack your knuckles? You’Ve got to be kidding mE’

‘Yeah, she heard it made yOur knuckles bigger and she didn’t want hers bigger but she liked the popping sound so she sat on us and cracked ours’

Or

‘She works out everyday for hoUrs?!?’

‘No. She doesn’t work out on Sunday but I think that’s only on doctors orders’

None of us sisters are big on expressing affection but if you read between the lines, it’s in all our stories about each other.

Sorry I was gone for your birthday. I hope it was fabulous.



#2 – Beth and Zach got engaged last night.

They’re getting hitched! Here are some photos from the party.




Good thing she said yes, otherwise, this cake may have been a bit akward. Props to Zachs mom for making it!

We all waited for the limo to arrive.

The beautiful bride to be on the phone with her father.

The guys played rock-paper-scissors to see who'd be up for engagement next.

The girls swarmed Beth in a hug.

The rock. And trust me. It's a rock.

Congrats Beth! I'm so happy for you!!!

Happy Saturday!

A hearty congrats to Colegate whose Fitness blog (yes, this is a shameless plug for her blog. Read it.) attracted the attention of a book publisher. She is going to receive an advanced copy of a fitness book as a sign of their appreciation for her previous good reviews.

Whatever.

All I ever got for my blog was 100 bucks… and I had to ask for it.



Dear Stouffers, Hostess, Target, Performance Bike, Cover girl, the makers of padded bike shorts, Jennifer Lopez, Hilbertos, & SeaWorld,

Where is my free stuff?!?!




Thursday, Mom, Pops, Casey, Mike-E, Lindsey, John-E, Chris, and I went downtown to have dinner at the Field and then to see The Phantom of the Opera. Dinner was great – especially since Mike paid. Free stuff is ALWAYS better. Phantom was good, a little different than usual but still good.

I think I too often forget that time spent with the fam is the most fun I have. Dad drove the suburban so all 8 of us piled in for the ride. Not 10 minutes into the trek, John and Mike started launching into the intercessional Hail Mary prayer (dad tends to drive a little ‘aggressive’) and maybe it would have helped… if we were Catholic. We arrived and returned safely… but not without a lot of laughter.



I’m going to be out next week. I have a bit of an unexpected trip up to Northern Cali. Hubby’s fam is getting together for a reunion. Speaking of necessities for Hail Mary’s…or Bloody Mary’s… or both…

Everything but the kitchen sink… wait…

Lindsey and I went to look at houses last night. Lindsey and John-E are buying a house and it’s really a special time… for me anyway.

I remember the miserable awful experience all too well and enjoy seeing others live through it.

Hey. I never denied being a mean person.

John was working so Lindsey and I went to scope out some hot new pads. The first place was beautiful… but too expensive. The second place didn’t warrant getting out of the car… something about a flood plain and the probability of a 100 year flood. The third place was gorgeous and in the right price range… but is only about 10 minutes from Chris and my house – a very good reason not to buy it. I can just imagine me saying, ‘Hi guys! Welcome home! I hope you don’t mind us using your kitchen. Ours was dirty.’ The fourth place was the result of a dispute between the mortgage bank and the owner… a guy who truly believed Home Depot’s motto ‘You can do it, we can help’ but… uh… he couldn’t do it… and it’s obvious Home Depot didn’t help.

I would say he took everything but the kitchen sink but… he took the kitchen sink. He also took the countertops, the cabinet doors, the floor tiles, the toilet seats, chunks of the ceiling…

You get it.

On a positive note, it had the biggest yard I’d ever seen and the interior was equipped with fire sprinklers.

I guess that rules me out for cooking over there.

In all honesty, I wish John and Lindsey the best of luck. When they do eventually find their dream home, Chris will be over to help with any construction or moving needs and I’ll… I’ll… uhhhhh… watch.

Another weekend... and another birthday!

First off…






Happy birthday pops. Thanks for being the best dad a girl could ask for. Frankly it’s quite obvious what a cool dad you are, just look at what great kids you have. I mean, sure we aren’t all exactly ‘emotionally stable’ but we are functioning adults… *snicker*… well, some of us anyway. Thanks for always having an answer to almost everything and thanks for having the ability to fool us on the rest.


My weekend was good. Friday, Chris and I attended our marriage class at church.

Saturday I got my hair done. The unfortunate part is, my hair dresser just returned from maternity leave and is double booking clients. She generally puts a hint of red with a gloss in my hair and lets it sit for about 10 minutes. After about 40 minutes and another client squeezed in, she washed the color out and said, ‘Oh. This looks… lovely. I totally did this on purpose. You needed a little umph to your red. Doesn’t it look fantastic?’

Uh. Yeah. If I wanted to look like Jean Grey in X-Men, it’d look fantastic.


But since I don’t get to-
a) portray a superhero in a movie
b) have a fantastic comic book figure
or
c) make out with Hugh Jackman

I’ll pass on the uber red.

Being the spineless gal that I am (Colegate is so ashamed of me) I said, ‘Yeah it looks.. uh… uh… red. Thanks?’ and tipped her 20 percent.

Come on. She’s got a new baby. It’s not the kid’s fault.

I don’t have any pictures but trust me… they’ll follow soon.


Sunday we went to church then picked up Rev and Tallon to see Wall-E. If you get past the constant subliminal (or not so subliminal) message that humans are fat, dumb, lazy pigs, the movie is cute. Sure if it were possible I’d sit in a lounger all day in the sunshine and eat but that doesn’t mean I’m… wait. Yup. I would be.

We all went up to the house to celebrate dad’s birthday. Dad ‘smoked’ some chicken. Some would call it ‘chicken that caught fire’ but uh.. because it was his birthday, we let him call it smoked. Mom made a raspberry cake that smelt atrocious but was surprisingly good. Cheers to another year.

Happy birthday dad.

No seriously, how’d you do that?

I’m still struggling with the whole ‘cycling’ thing. It’s not that I don’t like it, I actually REALLY enjoy it but my balance is still… struggling to say the least. ‘Balance? What’s so hard about balance on a stinkin’ bicycle? A kid can do that! How are you so bad?’ are what I imagine your responses to be.

Buuuut… I can’t even lift my arm to itch my face without my front tire waffling out of control like John Kerry on key political issues.

I find myself jealously watching the neighborhood kids fly by with both hands busily adjusting their helmets, adjusting their socks, playing with their gameboys…

I finally asked one how he did it. His response?

‘Just go like this’ he said as he started pedaling and took his hands off his handlebars. He had a huge smile plastered across his face as he waved at me with both hands as if to say, ‘Look you balance challenged idiot, no hands!’

This is why children aren’t teachers.

They suck.



As I started to pedal away, the kid easily pedaled beside me and asked, ‘Wanna race up the hill?’

‘Nah, it wouldn’t be fair. My tires are way bigger and I’d beat you. Sorry bud.’ I said.

Of course, I actually said, ‘Nah’ *Gasp* ‘It wouldn’t be fair’ *wheeze* ‘My’ *Gasp* ‘tires are way’ *Gasp* ‘bigger and I’d’ *wheeze* ‘beat you’ *cough gasp*.

Thank you Lord. I AM smarter than a 5th grader and he fell for that load of garbage.

Quite frankly, the kid would have not only beat me, he would have lapped me 10 times and I didn’t want to be the laughing stock of the neighborhood children. I’ve got enough problems.

The kid raced Chris up the same hill and sorry babe, maybe they’ll stop laughing… eventually.




I’m still not sure if I want to work out anyway. I signed up for the ‘National Body Challenge’ and they suggested I gain 4 pounds.

I guess it only proves Nicole’s theory that I am a fat thin person – meaning, I have no muscle mass. In fact - thanks to San Diego’s proximity to Mexico and the plethora of good taco shops that serve beans with lard in them - I’m quite sure the structure in my body is formed by hardened arteries and fat cells mercilessly clinging together.

Fortunately my body responds well to physical activity and I’m beginning to see signs of those crazy things called… muscles. Maybe I should practice those silly mottos Randy is always saying, something about asking were the zoo is because the albino lizards escaped?.. wait no… the cheetas? Ah!

Do you know where the zoo is? Because these pythons escaped! *all this said while flexing of course*

Yeah.

I’ve got to work on that.

Or not.

Dog for sale.

Every morning I go through the same routine. I wake up (begrudgingly), take my shower (well… sometimes), get ready (to some degree – it depends on how tired I am), take Turk outside, feed Thorny, and leave for work.

It’s a simple routine… that is suddenly complicated by my dog.

Turk doesn’t like to go outside. If he had to pee in a litter box just to stay inside, he would. My roommate has taken to calling him ‘Pierre the French Dog’ because he feels my dog is a snotty, stuck up, overgrown lab rat who accepts only the very best table scraps and walks away from the rest - OK, maybe Turk is French.

Turk has recently decided to make my life difficult and hide every time I take a shower. When I go to put him outside, I have to search everywhere to find him. Under the couch, behind the couch, under the bed, under my shoes, in the back of his kennel… and to complicate things, he never hides in the same place twice.

I can imagine him frantically searching like a 3rd grader looking for the ultimate spot for his hide and go seek game. Considering the fact that he’s the size of my foot, there are plenty of places for him to hide. When I eventually do find him, he prances around the house like a show horse pulling his knees up to his chest. I can’t tell if he’s saying, ‘Ha ha, got you again’ or ‘OK, that was fun but I have to pee now’.

I guess I could kick this habit by telling him he is a very bad dog for hiding but I end up laughing so hard at his hiding spots that he thinks he’s doing something good.

This morning I could find him anywhere. After 10 minutes of searching I was about ready to give in until I noticed my neatly made bed wasn’t so neat anymore. Considering he’s not allowed to sleep on the bed, he definitely found the last spot I would look.

Turk, here’s a hint – just because you can’t see me, it doesn’t mean I can’t see you.

He eventually did come out... when I grabbed him. I swear he's laughing at me.

Weekend...

It was a fabulous weekend. I don't have a lot of time so I'll just explain my weekend through pictures. Please excuse my face. It has not yet recovered and constantly prompts questions like... 'WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE?!?!'


I have to admit, I was kinda excited when I heard my cousin Gretchen was suffering from a swollen eye caused by iritis. Gretchen is our super model cousin who has long blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and a darker tan than anyone I know - oh and she's rail thin. Cole and I had hopes that for once, we could look halfway related but... Gretchen's eye was is perfect shape by the wedding on Saturday. Geez!


We had a Fourth of July party at our house. Beth was kind enough to make shirts for all the girls.

















































































































On Saturday we went to my cousin (and former roommate) Ryan's wedding by Pacific Beach.

We went to Kona's in PB on Sunday morning and took over the whole restaurant. Ryan and his beautiful new bride joined us...

*Photos courtesy of Beth and pops. My camera was MIA.

Happy Birthday Gage!

I really need to come out to see you! I love you and I miss you!

Have a great 2nd birthday!

... and yeah, I probably need a picture of you that isn't two years old.

Have no fear! I’ll break the fall with my face!

I had a pretty good day yesterday. I went to the gym at 5AM and got in a pretty good workout. I accomplished a lot at work. I came home and went on an 8 mile bike ride with Chris. He finally got his bike so it was nice to cycle around the lake together. We came home, made a great dinner of Morton’s Steak, homemade mashed potatoes/yams, and a salad. I read the book I got from the library – The Biggest Loser Program (silly as it sounds, it’s a pretty good book) and went to bed at just after 10 PM.

At 11:30 PM Chris was awoken by the following sight…

One of my feet was twisted backwards and sideways in the sheets and the rest of me was… face first on the floor screaming ‘OWWW!!!’ muffled by the carpet.

You know how you have dreams that you are falling and you wake up startled? I was having one of those dreams. But when I woke up I discovered that I was, in fact, falling. I was startled awake just before I hit the floor but not early enough to throw my arms out to protect myself.

I landed on my face.

So here’s the problem. I’ve got a very obvious carpet burn across my chin and up my nose, my left side is swollen from hitting the floor with such force, and I’ve got a limp from my twisted ankle. When people ask what happened, I can’t tell them I fell off my bed at 28 years old soooo I’m going to say…

I was coming out of the library with my new Madonna CD when a group of rabid teenagers approached me. They didn’t want to wait the 12 week time it takes to make it to the front of the reserve list so they attacked me… with carpet swatches.




















Isn't the bump on the left side of my chin lovely?

Mmmmm...

Chris and I enjoyed the San Diego Fair last night….

First, we had Australian Deep Fried Potatoes with ranch dressing and nacho cheese.



















We followed it with Indian Fry Bread and a taster of BBQ beef…

Then we worked our way over to Hot Dog on a Stick…



















And then to Dippin’ Dots…



















We couldn’t pass up the garlic deep fried artichoke hearts…




















We ended the night with an Orange Julius and a bag of kettle corn.

















And yes, Chris always makes faces like that.

Sure some people go to the fair for the rides, the animals, the art... I'm just not one of those people.


Needless to say…

We were at the gym at 5AM this morning.