Happy Birthday Randy! Wish we were there... not to see you of course, but to go shopping in Lawrence.
I guess I love you... but only because mom said I have to.
HAVE A GOOD ONE!
Monday, April 14, 2008
Friday, April 11, 2008
Huh? I just don't…get it...
I had my first interview in 7 years yesterday so it should come as no surprise that I have absolutely no interview skills.
Rather than give the impression that I am a mature, confident young woman, I came off more like a challenged 5 year old.
When he asked me to tell him a little about myself I SHOULD have said, ‘I’m hard working, I love a challenge, I am a team player, and I believe that everyone should be treated with kindness.’
Instead, I think I said……..
‘I love the color purple and red, I love bright shiny objects, I love butterflies in the summer, I love birthday cake, and I want world peace.’
I might as well have brought in some Barbie dolls and asked him to play.
No fear, it gets worse.
In Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Violet turns into a blueberry. Her lips turn blue, her body turns blue, her fingers turn blue… you get it.
When I get nervous, I flush red. If I actually had a tan, you wouldn’t notice but remember one thing…
The Clinique makeup counter turned me away because they didn’t have a shade white enough for my skin.
Flushing red is PAINFULLY obvious on my pale skin.
Violet turns into a blueberry and I turn into a tomato. Maybe I’ll join a circus.
‘Laaaaadies and Gentleman, please welcome to the stage – THE HUMAN TOMATOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!’
Think it can’t get worse? Just wait…
I’m talking about the town I grew up in and he tells me he knows a guy from there.
‘Mr. So and So? I know him! He’s a really nice guy!’ I say, thinking we’d found some common ground.
‘Mr. So and So sued me.’ He said.
‘Oh.’ I say quietly. ‘Uhhh….’
Oops!
Rather than give the impression that I am a mature, confident young woman, I came off more like a challenged 5 year old.
When he asked me to tell him a little about myself I SHOULD have said, ‘I’m hard working, I love a challenge, I am a team player, and I believe that everyone should be treated with kindness.’
Instead, I think I said……..
‘I love the color purple and red, I love bright shiny objects, I love butterflies in the summer, I love birthday cake, and I want world peace.’
I might as well have brought in some Barbie dolls and asked him to play.
No fear, it gets worse.
In Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Violet turns into a blueberry. Her lips turn blue, her body turns blue, her fingers turn blue… you get it.
When I get nervous, I flush red. If I actually had a tan, you wouldn’t notice but remember one thing…
The Clinique makeup counter turned me away because they didn’t have a shade white enough for my skin.
Flushing red is PAINFULLY obvious on my pale skin.
Violet turns into a blueberry and I turn into a tomato. Maybe I’ll join a circus.
‘Laaaaadies and Gentleman, please welcome to the stage – THE HUMAN TOMATOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!’
Think it can’t get worse? Just wait…
I’m talking about the town I grew up in and he tells me he knows a guy from there.
‘Mr. So and So? I know him! He’s a really nice guy!’ I say, thinking we’d found some common ground.
‘Mr. So and So sued me.’ He said.
‘Oh.’ I say quietly. ‘Uhhh….’
Oops!
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Dear Mr. Kiosk….
I went to the mall last night for a little retail therapy – not that I can afford it, but in reality, who can?
In the middle walkway of our mall, kiosks sell everything from cell phones to t-shirts. As I’m walking from store to store, inhaling the new clothing smell, a guy starts yelling at me, ‘Mam! Come try this lotion!’
‘No thanks’ I say with a smile and keep walking – yeah right, like I’m going to stop for a guy who calls me ‘Mam’.
‘Can I just ask you a question?’ He yelled – and the yelling wasn’t necessary since I was 8 feet away.
‘No thanks’ I say while continuing my stride.
‘It’s just ONE question!’ He yelled louder as people started to look – though I’m sure they were just thankful he wasn’t yelling at them.
Wanting so badly to yell back, ‘Look buddy, I’m not interested in you frickin’ lotiony crap. I don’t care about the anti-aging/anti-cellulite/anti-wrinkle/firming/magic garbage you’re selling! I have skinny arms and I can hide my fat butt under a skirt so I don’t need you! Would you just let a girl shop!?!?!’ but instead said a polite but simple, ‘No thanks.’
Come on, I should get a medal for my restraint.
‘JESUS!’ he screamed as he slammed down the lotion – and he wasn’t calling out the name to honor the Lord if you know what I mean.
I stopped dead in my tracks and started to turn toward him but decided against it.
I have an interview today and I’ve heard black eyes followed by stories that start with ‘look, it wasn’t my fault…’ aren’t exactly ‘job magnets’.
Lucky little lotion man.
In the middle walkway of our mall, kiosks sell everything from cell phones to t-shirts. As I’m walking from store to store, inhaling the new clothing smell, a guy starts yelling at me, ‘Mam! Come try this lotion!’
‘No thanks’ I say with a smile and keep walking – yeah right, like I’m going to stop for a guy who calls me ‘Mam’.
‘Can I just ask you a question?’ He yelled – and the yelling wasn’t necessary since I was 8 feet away.
‘No thanks’ I say while continuing my stride.
‘It’s just ONE question!’ He yelled louder as people started to look – though I’m sure they were just thankful he wasn’t yelling at them.
Wanting so badly to yell back, ‘Look buddy, I’m not interested in you frickin’ lotiony crap. I don’t care about the anti-aging/anti-cellulite/anti-wrinkle/firming/magic garbage you’re selling! I have skinny arms and I can hide my fat butt under a skirt so I don’t need you! Would you just let a girl shop!?!?!’ but instead said a polite but simple, ‘No thanks.’
Come on, I should get a medal for my restraint.
‘JESUS!’ he screamed as he slammed down the lotion – and he wasn’t calling out the name to honor the Lord if you know what I mean.
I stopped dead in my tracks and started to turn toward him but decided against it.
I have an interview today and I’ve heard black eyes followed by stories that start with ‘look, it wasn’t my fault…’ aren’t exactly ‘job magnets’.
Lucky little lotion man.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Hmm.. iVillage?
OK. First off, show a little forgiveness. I’ve never had a little sister and I’m beginning to realize, it’s way easier to be a little sister. This whole ‘be someone worth looking up to’ is difficult!
My sister-in-law, who is… uh…I don’t exactly know how old she is…I guess I should know that huh? I’m pretty sure she’s in elementary school…or middle school… or maybe she’s a very little high schooler?
ANYWAY, she texted me and said, ‘Sister, I have a huge problem and I need your help!’
Thinking her problem was going to be something simple like, the theory of relativity or the fundamentals of rocket science, I texted back, ‘Hit me with it. I’ll help you out.’
Let’s overlook the fact that took me 15 minutes to type that out on my tiny ant sized cell phone buttons.
She replied, ‘I’m in love with a boy and I think he likes me but he has a girlfriend. Should I tell him that she’s weird and he should go out with me instead?’
Uhhh.
I LOVE texting. She can’t here the fish noises my mouth is making from going ‘Uhhhhh. Umm. Well. How in heaven’s name should I know?!?!’
So I did what any normal inexperienced big sister would do…
I posted her question on an iVillage.com message board.
What?!?!?
You think I should have come up with my own answer?
HAH!
I don’t think the statement that first popped into my head, “Girlfriends are just speed bumps darling. Slow down but definitely don’t stop” would have been totally appropriate 'big sister' mentoring.
So I took the top 15 responses (Geez, don’t these people have anything better to do than answer message boards? Get a life! You’re almost as bad as those people who BLOG about their personal lives!! Wait a minute…) and came up with…
‘Well sweetie, I think you should wait it out. If he really likes you, he’ll come to you. And if he doesn’t, don’t worry! I know that one day, you’ll find a guy who loves you as much as I do – and I love you a lot.’
That sounds almost like the beginnings of a Lifetime movie.
I’m pathetic.
My sister-in-law, who is… uh…I don’t exactly know how old she is…I guess I should know that huh? I’m pretty sure she’s in elementary school…or middle school… or maybe she’s a very little high schooler?
ANYWAY, she texted me and said, ‘Sister, I have a huge problem and I need your help!’
Thinking her problem was going to be something simple like, the theory of relativity or the fundamentals of rocket science, I texted back, ‘Hit me with it. I’ll help you out.’
Let’s overlook the fact that took me 15 minutes to type that out on my tiny ant sized cell phone buttons.
She replied, ‘I’m in love with a boy and I think he likes me but he has a girlfriend. Should I tell him that she’s weird and he should go out with me instead?’
Uhhh.
I LOVE texting. She can’t here the fish noises my mouth is making from going ‘Uhhhhh. Umm. Well. How in heaven’s name should I know?!?!’
So I did what any normal inexperienced big sister would do…
I posted her question on an iVillage.com message board.
What?!?!?
You think I should have come up with my own answer?
HAH!
I don’t think the statement that first popped into my head, “Girlfriends are just speed bumps darling. Slow down but definitely don’t stop” would have been totally appropriate 'big sister' mentoring.
So I took the top 15 responses (Geez, don’t these people have anything better to do than answer message boards? Get a life! You’re almost as bad as those people who BLOG about their personal lives!! Wait a minute…) and came up with…
‘Well sweetie, I think you should wait it out. If he really likes you, he’ll come to you. And if he doesn’t, don’t worry! I know that one day, you’ll find a guy who loves you as much as I do – and I love you a lot.’
That sounds almost like the beginnings of a Lifetime movie.
I’m pathetic.
Weekend...
Blogger formatting isn't working that great so I'll just post the pictures with no notes.
Friday night Chris and I went out and had a romantic outdoor dinner (I.E. we ate $1.50 hot dogs from Costco in the parking lot)
Saturday we celebrated Beth's passing of the D.A.T exam (D.A.T. is difficult testing for dental school for those who don't know) and Jesse's passing of his one year test at the fire department. We all crammed into 3 cars and went to... where else...
SeaWorld!
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Optimism... I rock at it!
In an effort to save my employer’s company short term, all the employees have agreed to take a significant pay reduction – myself included. We have all also agreed to work for 4 more weeks at this rate and if nothing changes, leave the company. My pessimistic self was just shy of wigging out when I decided that I MUST be more optimistic to save my sanity. On my drive home last night, I came up with…
My Top 5 Reasons Why Working for Peanuts is Totally and Completely Awesome
#1) For once in my life, I’m not all that concerned about a purse snatching. The days of cold hard cash in my wallet are long gone. If a thief can profit off my wallet containing only a Costco card, a snotty tissue, and a pair of tweezers… more power to him.
#2) Chris and I get to try ‘experimental’ cuisine!
The old me used to take grocery lists to the store with items like: Chicken, fresh herbs, fruit, green salad…
Now my list reads: Anything on sale.
If anyone knows a good recipe for pigs intestine, Safeway brand peanut butter, and Ragu pasta sauce, please pass it my way.
Oh, and we have Ramen Noodles. Lots and lots of Ramen Noodles.
#3) When solicitors come to my door peddling everything from magazine subscriptions to pest control, I can say, ‘We can’t afford it at this time’ and for the first time, it isn’t a bold faced lie.
I would say, ‘When solicitors call our phone…’ but I’m not exactly sure how long we’ll have a phone so…
#4) I finally have a sense of value. I value everything I have worked for….
And I think about how much I could get for it on EBay.
If Chris comes home tonight and all the furniture is gone…
I didn’t auction it off, we were robbed. Or at least, that’s my story.
#5) Chris and I are forming a tighter bond in our marriage. No, we aren’t ‘holding on to each other during these trying times’ or whatever romantic notion you have, we simply have to cancel our 749 channels of HD cable and drop it to the 2 channels receivable by bunny ears. Since neither of us are fans of the Public Broadcasting Telethon nor the 50,000th re-run of Everybody Loves Raymond, we are forced to…
Talk.
After 15 seconds of that garbage, we warm up the Nintendo and shoot the crud out of each other in Contra.
Bonding I tell you, Bonding.
Hmm. Maybe this optimism thing isn’t so bad.
My Top 5 Reasons Why Working for Peanuts is Totally and Completely Awesome
#1) For once in my life, I’m not all that concerned about a purse snatching. The days of cold hard cash in my wallet are long gone. If a thief can profit off my wallet containing only a Costco card, a snotty tissue, and a pair of tweezers… more power to him.
#2) Chris and I get to try ‘experimental’ cuisine!
The old me used to take grocery lists to the store with items like: Chicken, fresh herbs, fruit, green salad…
Now my list reads: Anything on sale.
If anyone knows a good recipe for pigs intestine, Safeway brand peanut butter, and Ragu pasta sauce, please pass it my way.
Oh, and we have Ramen Noodles. Lots and lots of Ramen Noodles.
#3) When solicitors come to my door peddling everything from magazine subscriptions to pest control, I can say, ‘We can’t afford it at this time’ and for the first time, it isn’t a bold faced lie.
I would say, ‘When solicitors call our phone…’ but I’m not exactly sure how long we’ll have a phone so…
#4) I finally have a sense of value. I value everything I have worked for….
And I think about how much I could get for it on EBay.
If Chris comes home tonight and all the furniture is gone…
I didn’t auction it off, we were robbed. Or at least, that’s my story.
#5) Chris and I are forming a tighter bond in our marriage. No, we aren’t ‘holding on to each other during these trying times’ or whatever romantic notion you have, we simply have to cancel our 749 channels of HD cable and drop it to the 2 channels receivable by bunny ears. Since neither of us are fans of the Public Broadcasting Telethon nor the 50,000th re-run of Everybody Loves Raymond, we are forced to…
Talk.
After 15 seconds of that garbage, we warm up the Nintendo and shoot the crud out of each other in Contra.
Bonding I tell you, Bonding.
Hmm. Maybe this optimism thing isn’t so bad.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
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