Find me a notebook… now.

About the fourth day in Tahoe… oh forget it, let’s be honest… about the SECOND day, I was beginning to lose my sanity.

Literally.

I would try to escape to some sense of solitude but was constantly surrounded. I took 2 hour long trips to the grocery store… even though it was only a mile away. I tried to explain that I got lost but the believability of that lie was… it just wasn’t. Especially since the Safeway was on the same road as the house. My housemates probably wouldn’t believe I was that stupid but I’m pretty good at appearing to be a little on the slow side… without too much of an effort or heck… any effort at all.

I bought a number puzzle book, threw on my ipod, and sat by the lake. After about 5 minutes, one of the teenagers peaked over and said, ‘Put the 927 in that spot’ as he pointed to the page. I tried to ignore him and pretend my ipod was blasting but that only resulted in him pulling the earphones out of my ears and saying more loudly, ‘PUT THE 927 IN THAT SPOT’ as he pointed with more force at the book.

Gee.

Thanks.

I was totally unaware.

Riiiiight.

I tried to tilt the book away but he grabbed it to tilt it back. ‘I can’t see’ he said.

‘DO NOT SAY, That was the point. DO NOT SAY, That was the point. DO NOT SAY, That was the point. DO NOT SAY, That was the point. DO NOT SAY, That was the point. DO NOT SAY, That was the point.’ Circled in my head.

After the fifth time he pointed out a number, I finally threw the book at him and retreated to a corner to cry.

Just shy of midnight, I found myself in an AMPM looking for a notebook.

‘Why do you need a notebook?’ Chris asked with sleepy eyes.

‘Because I have to figure out a way to BLOG about how funny and how great this trip is. Because I have to find something redeemable about this place. BECAUSE IF I CAN’T FIND SOMETHING I LIKE ABOUT THIS MISERABLE HELL HOLE RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND, I’M GOING TO EXPLODE!’

Fortunately AMPM’s in Tahoe are pretty dead at 12AM and there were no witnesses… except for the cashier… who was hiding under the register.

I free wrote for three days.

I couldn’t find anything funny or likeable.

Sooo, I figured I’d share the trip as it were with all of you so next time you vacation you can say, ‘Hey, at least I’m not with 22 other people trapped in a tiny house with excrement splattered in the bathroom, vomit on the floor, used feminine pads face up in trash cans, and a blame game called, ‘who broke my bike’.’

Did I not mention those things? Trust me… It’s for the best.

Never again Tahoe.

Never.

Again.