Monday, November 2, 2015

Reflection Week Three…

Chris went to a bachelor party in week three.  They went on a brewery tour, out to eat, and paintballing over a two day period.  It was planned before we went on the spending freeze and we planned for him to ‘cheat’ for those two days.  On its own, I’d have been jealous, but add the fact that I’m watching the kids and… I’m sick… it was harder than I expected.  It was only a little cold but it was enough of a sore throat and a cough that I wanted to do absolutely nothing.  At this point in the freeze, we have no more quick meals.  No more frozen pizzas.  No more frozen dinners.  Everything takes effort to make from scratch.  I stood at the front door, minivan keys in hand, dreaming of the ease of McDonalds.  The kids are hungry and whining and I can’t even throw snacks at them because we ran out of those too.  I DESERVE this.  I worked hard for this.  I’m tired.  Chris gets to cheat, so should I.
I slowly closed the front door, hung the keys on the hook, and started to make dinner.  It was not joyful.  It was not fun.  I was miserable.  I was angry at Chris.
I think of the stupid judgments I have cast on the people I know.  I have judged them for saying they ‘deserve’ things.  I have judged them for always seeking to make their marriages ‘fair’.  Looking from this side, I’m starting to get it.
Looking back at that miserable night, I feel silly for being mad at Chris for something that wasn’t his fault.  I feel silly for getting so emotional.  But I’m walking a lot of miles in other people’s shoes.  Miles I’ve needed to walk.
Who knew not spending for a month would impact so much?

1 comment:

TheFitnessFreak said...

That's one of the hardest things I've found about working again, the "I deserve" attitude. The worst part is, my kids see it. Oh crap! I need to stop :-(