Friday, September 21, 2012

Medical Necessity...

I went to dinner with an old friend last night and met his new fiancĂ©.  She's in pharmaceutical sales, specializing in pain management through Botox.

"Botox relieves migraine pain?" I asked.


"Where do they put it?"

"In the areas patients feel strong pain.  Most is injected around the eyes, the forehead, and the neck" she said while demonstrating, "If you suffer from migraines, you should consider the treatment.  It's extremely effective and covered by insurance."

"Insurance covers Botox?!?!" I asked, growing excited... even though I don't suffer from migraines.

"For migraine pain management, yes.  You should also consider medical marijuana.  Studies show positive results in pain management" she said seriously.

Dear Primary Care Physician,

I've suddenly been afflicted with intense migraines.......


Friday, September 14, 2012

I'm Suffering from PTSD...

You know what they don't tell you about getting rear-ended in an auto accident?  You will forever jump when slowing.  I cringe at stop lights.  I cringe in traffic.  Heck, I cringe when I push my grocery cart through the checkout line.

I am now consumed with 'prepping' myself for an accident.  I go to the bathroom before I leave.  I wear comfortable shoes.

And then I realized...

I must reduce my reliance on Spanx.

I can just imagine my embarrassment, "Mam, first off, you're OK.  You've been involved in an auto accident, but it took three paramedics and a pair of industrial clippers to remove these odd flesh colored shorts."

I put on my skirt suit this morning, turned around in the mirror...

and decided a good looking butt is worth a little embarrassment in the event of a collision.

And I've decided, in an accident, my Spanx could double as a tourniquet.  Headlines... "Woman saved by body shaper.  Femoral artery severed but accident victim remained alive for 10 hours before help could arrive thanks to shape-wear 4 sizes too small. Doctors remain uncertain how woman squeezed into them in the first place."

I mean, sure, I could work out.  I could also be a movie star.  I could be the next president.  I could catch a ride to Mars.  I could....

Monday, September 10, 2012

All The Time In The World...

My husband and I are beach camping this week.  This is our 5th summer here and we've finally got it down to a science.  We have a laminated packing list and each year is pretty much the same... well.. except that we have a kid this year.

The night before we left, I was frantically downloading books onto my Kindle.  I usually read no less than 6.  My record standing at 11.

Five days in and...

I'm just about halfway through the acknowledgements page in book #1.

What I didn't anticipate?  My 14 month old would rather spend every second playing in the sand and playing with the other camp children than inside a cool air conditioned travel trailer with all his toys.

Rookie move.

Oh well. There's always next year.  He'll be 2 and...


I'm guessing it won't happen then either.

Looks like my relaxing with a spritzer, book reading days are over.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

About Your Car...

I grabbed my cell phone quickly as it vibrated across my desk last week.  "Hello?"

"Hi!  This is Allison from the Collision Center.  We've got some bad news about your car.  Um.  The piece we ordered.  Um.  Didn't fit."

I said nothing.

"Uh.  We need to order another bumper from the dealer and, uh, it could take a few days."

I could hear her cringing, waiting for me to yell.  "Look.  Normally, I'm quite the laid back gal but I'm driving the ugliest blue beast of a rental car and I'm a bit desperate to get out of it."

"Sorry... but I think we could have you back in your vehicle by next Wednesday." she said.

I dialed the rental car agency.

"Wuz up!  This is Kyle."

Glad to see professionalism isn't dead.

"Hey Kyle.  This is Rebekah.  I'm the one driving the 'sassy' blue Nissan Versa."

I heard Kyle snicker.

"Any chance I could do a switch?  Maybe upgrade to something larger?" I asked.

"I've got a rockin' minivan but that's about it.  'Member?  Still a holiday weekend. Oh. And the minivan upgrade?  Totally not covered by the other dude's insurance."

I'd like to punch Kyle.

Looks like another week with the blue beast.