Friday, September 14, 2012

I'm Suffering from PTSD...

You know what they don't tell you about getting rear-ended in an auto accident?  You will forever jump when slowing.  I cringe at stop lights.  I cringe in traffic.  Heck, I cringe when I push my grocery cart through the checkout line.

I am now consumed with 'prepping' myself for an accident.  I go to the bathroom before I leave.  I wear comfortable shoes.

And then I realized...

I must reduce my reliance on Spanx.

I can just imagine my embarrassment, "Mam, first off, you're OK.  You've been involved in an auto accident, but it took three paramedics and a pair of industrial clippers to remove these odd flesh colored shorts."

I put on my skirt suit this morning, turned around in the mirror...

and decided a good looking butt is worth a little embarrassment in the event of a collision.

And I've decided, in an accident, my Spanx could double as a tourniquet.  Headlines... "Woman saved by body shaper.  Femoral artery severed but accident victim remained alive for 10 hours before help could arrive thanks to shape-wear 4 sizes too small. Doctors remain uncertain how woman squeezed into them in the first place."

I mean, sure, I could work out.  I could also be a movie star.  I could be the next president.  I could catch a ride to Mars.  I could....

3 comments:

TheFitnessFreak said...

Women suffer in the name of fashion, it's what we do...

Lizzie M. said...

Randy says spanx might totally save your life....okay, I didn't really ask him, but I bet he'd say it would ;-)!

Deborah Hays said...

So..... where do I get this Spanx thing? It sounds totally awesome! Or is this just another name for girdle? I use to wear those things! I guess it's true... things do really come back in fashion... just under different and spiffier names. Woe... never thought I'd see the day.

Love you, mom

P.S. I think I actually kept a couple of those girdles.. in fact.. I have one made for those who are pregnant. Ah.. the things we endure for 'beauty"?