It doesn't happen overnight. It takes years. But you realize it's happening the moment you walk into the Juniors department at Macy's (or the rich folks who shop in Brass Plum at Nordy's) and think most of the clothes are ugly. Then, trying to force yourself into being cool, you try on the clothes anyway and can't get them to fit because 'mom' shaped bodies can't squish into those skinny jeans.
And to all those stupid pictures on Facebook of half dressed moms with the byline, "I've had 8 kids and I'm a size 2!", I'd like to actually meet those women...
so I could punch them in the face.
Yes, I too weigh exactly what I did before my boys were born but you don't see me posting those photos. Mostly because I can't get my flap of saggy stomach skin or my boobs, now located at my waist, to smile for the camera.
Chris and I wanted to have professional photos done for our Christmas cards this year and I was desperate to find an outfit. This was made difficult because a) I have a disease called 'mom body' and b) I have $16 in my checking account.
I figured I'd find something in Forever 21 because a) from what I recall from shopping there prior to baby no. 1, they have cute clothes and b) because they have shirts for less than $16.
There is nothing cute in Forever 21.
I am so uncool.
I nearly went to the checkout, begged for mercy, and asked them to dress me. I had two choices: a) ask an 18 year old with piercings to dress me or b) spend 5 bucks at Rubio's on a burrito, breathing in the precious few child free minutes, and digging a 10 year old dress out of my closet.
The burrito was delicious.
I've totally turned into my mom.
Screw it. I'm pulling out a glittered, puffy painted christmas sweater and calling it a day.