Thursday, September 11, 2008

Those wash instructions are there for a reason???

We had a fairly important work meeting on Monday. I was scheduled to present a portion and I wasn’t exactly excited at the prospect of turning red, talking like Yoda, and sweating like a marathon runner.

In preparation, I laid out my ‘proper’ business wear the night before and pulled out two pairs of shoes.

It was a rough debate about which pair of shoes to wear.

The first pair are low heeled, comfortable, and easy to walk in. They are muted and gently hide underneath my pant legs.

The second pair have heels that are no less than 5 inches, are completely uncomfortable, and when I walk… I look (and sound) like a trotting horse. They are so large, it looks like each of my feet are standing on life size re-creations of Pluto – which by the way, is what makes my legs look so thin.

Sooo, I can either a) look very professional and slightly heavier or b) look like I star in adult films, clomp like a horse, and look slightly thinner.

One word…


No one said looking thin is comfortable – or attractive – or unhorselike.

I woke up the next morning and dressed for the meeting… or at least attempted to dress for the meeting. Either I picked up a disturbing bout of bloating or…

I should have read those silly ‘care’ instructions on my pants.

Hmm. I guess they mean take it to a dry cleaner when the tag says, ‘Dry Clean Only’. I guess they didn’t want me to throw the pants in the washer and dry on high heat – and here I thought the clothing manufacturer and the dry cleaners were in cahoots.

Turns out…

They aren’t.

My pants were so tight, I looked like Denise Richards on the movie posters of ‘Undercover Brother’ …plus or minus 30 or so pounds… mostly plus… OK… only plus.

Thank heavens for shea butter lotion, body shapers, and a belly not yet misshapen by child bearing.

The meeting went fairly well. I only forgot 3 of the 4 sections of information I was supposed to cover. That’s like… a personal record.

Our goal was to make a significant impression on the folks from the Ireland and London offices. I really think my shoes and pants made an impression.

Hey! It’s not my fault no one clarified what TYPE of impression.


Nicole said...

Is that what happened to all of my pants?!?!? And here I thought I was eating too many carne asada burritos.

Vanessa said...

Grr, I hate it when I do that! You'd think I would learn by now, but sadly, no.

Lizzie M. said...

I'm just laughing. Really hard.

Ashmystir said...

My dresser and closet always shrink my clothes whenever left alone in there in too long. I need a dresser that knows my body shape on any given day. lol.