Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Show me some skin!...

I’m not a real open kind of gal when it comes to showing skin.

Sure I own low cut tops… but I wear them with tank tops underneath so I’m not sure that counts.

When I wear skirts, I throw on a pair of boy-shorts and a slip to ensure that in the event of a tragic windstorm, no one will see my underwear.

If I were a movie star, I wouldn’t be suffering from the same problems as Lindsey Lohan or Britney Spears. Instead of reporters saying:

‘The young starlet was seen exiting her limo… without panties’

They would say:

‘The young starlet was seen exiting her limo wearing a pair of ‘nerds kiss the best’ boy shorts featuring a cartoon photo of a freckle faced redhead with braces underneath her slip underneath her knee length skirt – but only after a hurricane force gust of wind swept by... and the starlet looked mortified.’

I’m not entirely sure where I got it from. I don’t have a mother who wears nylons under her jeans or camisoles under her neck high button up shirts or who never owned a pair of shorts….

Oh wait. My mother was all those things.

You can imagine my panic in the gym locker room in the morning. Everyone is walking around naked and all I want to scream is, ‘Look peeps, I didn’t go to public school. I DON’T shower in public!’

I would simply change in a bathroom stall but I’m a total germaphobe and can’t touch anything within a 6 foot radius of a public toilet.

I’m left to change with a towel wrapped around me and frankly… I’m not good at it and my methods tend to make people point and giggle. That could be because I stand in a back corner of lockers and shimmy my clothes on while constantly catching my towel.

Showering is over rated. I think I’m going to stop.

On a better note. We received our tax stimulus check yesterday.

Coincidence that Nordstrom is holding it’s half yearly sale at this time? I think not. I think God is trying to tell me something.

Plus, the Commander and Chief, Pres. Bush, told me to spend it. I wouldn’t disobey my grandma so why would I not listen to the guy who can have me arrested?

It’s my civic duty.


Nicole said...

I'm with you on the nude in public thing. If I was super thin and toned though I'd probably do it to make all the wrinkly old ladies feel bad:) As for the stimulus check, I vote for stimulating that economy to the fullest extent possible!

Ashmystir said...

ha. ha.

I just started wearing some low cut v neck shirts so I know how you feel. Like everyone is staring at you. I like it now. Looks sexier than the boxy tshirts I usually wear. It also looks worse from our own view (we look directly down) then it really is.

Anyway...I'm with ya on not showering at the gym thing. Just weird to me. Some ladies are just too out there. =)

Lizzie M. said...

Headin' to Nordy's today! :-)

Ashmystir said...

Tag you it! =)~