Friday, July 11, 2008

No seriously, how’d you do that?

I’m still struggling with the whole ‘cycling’ thing. It’s not that I don’t like it, I actually REALLY enjoy it but my balance is still… struggling to say the least. ‘Balance? What’s so hard about balance on a stinkin’ bicycle? A kid can do that! How are you so bad?’ are what I imagine your responses to be.

Buuuut… I can’t even lift my arm to itch my face without my front tire waffling out of control like John Kerry on key political issues.

I find myself jealously watching the neighborhood kids fly by with both hands busily adjusting their helmets, adjusting their socks, playing with their gameboys…

I finally asked one how he did it. His response?

‘Just go like this’ he said as he started pedaling and took his hands off his handlebars. He had a huge smile plastered across his face as he waved at me with both hands as if to say, ‘Look you balance challenged idiot, no hands!’

This is why children aren’t teachers.

They suck.

As I started to pedal away, the kid easily pedaled beside me and asked, ‘Wanna race up the hill?’

‘Nah, it wouldn’t be fair. My tires are way bigger and I’d beat you. Sorry bud.’ I said.

Of course, I actually said, ‘Nah’ *Gasp* ‘It wouldn’t be fair’ *wheeze* ‘My’ *Gasp* ‘tires are way’ *Gasp* ‘bigger and I’d’ *wheeze* ‘beat you’ *cough gasp*.

Thank you Lord. I AM smarter than a 5th grader and he fell for that load of garbage.

Quite frankly, the kid would have not only beat me, he would have lapped me 10 times and I didn’t want to be the laughing stock of the neighborhood children. I’ve got enough problems.

The kid raced Chris up the same hill and sorry babe, maybe they’ll stop laughing… eventually.

I’m still not sure if I want to work out anyway. I signed up for the ‘National Body Challenge’ and they suggested I gain 4 pounds.

I guess it only proves Nicole’s theory that I am a fat thin person – meaning, I have no muscle mass. In fact - thanks to San Diego’s proximity to Mexico and the plethora of good taco shops that serve beans with lard in them - I’m quite sure the structure in my body is formed by hardened arteries and fat cells mercilessly clinging together.

Fortunately my body responds well to physical activity and I’m beginning to see signs of those crazy things called… muscles. Maybe I should practice those silly mottos Randy is always saying, something about asking were the zoo is because the albino lizards escaped?.. wait no… the cheetas? Ah!

Do you know where the zoo is? Because these pythons escaped! *all this said while flexing of course*


I’ve got to work on that.

Or not.


Lizzie M. said...

I want to start riding my bike again too, but I first need to find and inconspicuous place to "learn" how to ride it again!

The last time I tried, the balance thingy was definitely an issue. :-)

Nicole said...

Looks like I need to set you up with a workout rotation! I can put extra core work in there and you'll blow those kids away:) Oh, and you can get back to me on that last line;)

Anonymous said...

You'd totally beat me. I just got winded and tired from reading about you getting in shape. ha. ha. Yay for you!


WomensDaily said...

OMG you sound like me ahahhaa. I reach up to like get the hair out of my face and all of a sudden I'm all over the place. I started riding again and am still learning to get the balance correct when I take a hand off the bars LOL.