Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Um. Yes I work out. Like. TOTALLY.

I had my night/weekend job interview this morning at the ‘Big Box’ store. I waited for 45 minutes in the waiting room for my interview.


Because making me wait for 45 minutes does wonders for my naturally overactive nerves.

I watched as interviewee after interviewee exited and left. When my turn came, I nervously stood, wiped the sweat off my palm, and shook the hand of my interviewer.

17 minutes and a concise interview later, she smiled at me and asked me to go back to the waiting room.

Go back?

No one else went back to the waiting room so I was confused.

Then she said, ‘We’d like you to have a second interview with the store manager.’

So I waited another 15 painful minutes then spent approximately 8 minutes with an annoyed store manager who clearly had better things to do than talk to me.

‘What do you do for fun?’ He asked as he wiped his glasses.

‘I go to school.’ I replied.

‘No. What do you do for FUN? F-U-N.’ He asked again annoyed as though I hadn’t listened.

‘I understood. I enjoy school and I attend for fun.’ I replied again.

He gave me a face that said, ‘Butt kisser’

‘Are you active? I’m asking this because this job is very involved and I need someone who can keep up.’ He said, still wiping his glasses.

‘Yes, I’m very active. I go to the gym and I am an avid cyclist.’ I replied matter of factly.

Hey, before you judge, I didn’t lie to my doctor about exercising so I still had an open liar card.

‘Fabulous. What is kind of bike do you have?’ He asked.

‘Um… uh…’ I am so retarded. An ‘avid’ cyclist would know what they ride. ‘I ride a Mongoose. Sorry. It’s new and I get confused.’ I stumbled.

He threw me another ‘yeah right’ face.

I suck at lying.

‘Can you take a drug and alcohol test right now?’ He asked, finally looking at me.

A look of terror crossed my face.

‘Y-y-y-yes. A-a-a-absolutely.’ I replied timidly.

HEY! I said NO judging! No, I’ve never done drugs in my life buuuuuuut…. I may have had a glass of wine last night.

He sent me to the waiting room again to wait for the drug/alcohol test lady.

A fellow interviewee leaned over and said, ‘Man, you must be doing something seriously wrong. They keep sending you back out here!’

I didn’t have the heart to tell her that was a good thing… especially since she was sent home after the first interview.

The drug test lady took me to her office, shoved a plastic tube into my gums to ‘get a saliva sample’, and asked me to go back to the waiting room again for 15 minutes until the results came back.

When I returned to the waiting room AGAIN, I was met by the snickers of my fellow interviewees.

Thanks guys.

Those were the LONGEST 15 minutes ever! I swore they were going to find those 6 ounces of Gewürztraminer coursing through my veins... er... or my saliva for that matter.

Fortunately the lady came out and certified me drug and alcohol free then sent me home.

They are currently performing a reference check.

Hmm. Now probably would have been a good time to have reliable references.



Ashmystir said...

BAHAHAHAHA! Buttkisser.

Seriously..good luck!

Nicole said...

I sure hope I wasn't on the reference list because I'm all out of "liar cards":)