Wednesday, June 11, 2008

I’m not an alcoholic…but I play one on TV

Beth came over last night to bring our new roommate, Zach, a new 37” HDTV for his birthday.

My birthday is coming up next week so I was sure to say to Chris, ‘Wow hon, isn’t that nice of Beth to give Zach such an expensive gift? And they are only dating… we’re married. Hmm. I wonder what you’ll get for me.’

OK, so I have no huge aspirations for expensive gifts… I’m just hoping he’ll forgive me for ordering a pricey pressure cooker off the Home Shopping Network while he was slaving away at work on Saturday. I should have ‘HSN Cooks’ permanently blocked from our cable box. If it steams, bakes, toasts, or is the daily special, I’m too tempted.

The cooker is supposed to be delivered today so I’m going to beat him home and write ‘Happy Birthday Sweetheart! Love, Auntie Edna’ on the box.

Nope. I don’t have an Auntie Edna but it’ll buy me time. Birthdays are Get Out of Jail Free days so I’ll pony up the truth then.

Perhaps I shouldn’t mention that we signed up for a marriage class that starts this Friday. I figured I’d do as much damage as possible before I am forced to be a proper wife.

Hey now! Don’t judge! It’s like eating a chocolate cake before dieting. Everyone does it.

Beth and I shared two bottles of wine after dinner. Well, I guess technically we didn’t share since we each had our own bottle.

ANYWAY, as I was downing my chilled Viognier, I read a fascinating article in my Fitness magazine (I subscribe to Fitness magazine and display it on our living room table so that when guests come over and see it, they think, ‘Oh poor dear, she’s desperately trying to lose that butt pudge but it must but genetic’ and not link it to the real culprits… Ding Dongs and laziness). I can’t find the online version but this is pretty much the same thing:

Beth and I both agreed… we’re not alcoholics… we’re fighting dementia.

We can just ignore that silly little reference to *drinking in moderation*.

OK, OK, truth be told, the bottles were half empty to start with (mom, you can delete that frantic letter to grandma)

But hey, I’m guessing this lady drank quite a bit of wine.



Lizzie M. said...

You can get everything on HSN, heck, Dr. Rey was just on there yesterday selling body slimmers.....

Beks said...

I actually watched his presentation but unfortunately, his slimmers come with butt implants and we all know... I don't need those.

Nicole said...

I tried a sip of the wine dad had while he was over for dinner and I'm afraid you won't see me in the wine aisle anytime soon! It was so gross!! I'm sure you'd go broke trying to buy stuff I would drink. I think for now I'll just stick with water, coffee and the occasional Margarita:)~ Oh that's right, you won't be at my party;)

Nicole said...

Oh, P.S., STAY AWAY FROM HSN!!! It's DANGEROUS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Btrony said...

Guess what?! I got a champagne cork thingy!! This will help our cause in fighting dementia!!

Bekah what would i do without you?? I'd be considered an alcoholic instead of looking out for my health! ;) wink wink. What should i bring over tonight roomie??

sewcreative said...

I GIVE UP!!!!!!

Ashmystir said...

You're only an alcohlic if you require a chug of the ole mexican soda to get you started in the mornings. Errr..wait! I do that! Maybe I need AA too.