Tuesday, August 19, 2008

My Olympic dreams…

I was watching the Olympic swim competitions when the news channel decided to do a 3-D breakdown of Michael Phelps’ body. I’ll let someone else explain, “Generally, a man's arm span equals his height but in his case it's 6'8"— five inches more than his height. Naturally his arms work as powerful paddles, giving him a clear edge over others. His lower body is shorter than that of an average man of his height. His short legs result in less drag. In short, Phelps has an upper body of a 6'8" person but his lower body seems to be of someone who is only 6', which also make the perfect plane in water.”
To help you understand, I drew a picture like the one on TV. Please remember, I don’t make hundreds of thousands of dollars a year for a design company so my technical and drawing skills aren’t exactly the same as the people from NBC. But they are close...um... for stick people.

Sorry, I didn’t intend to make him look like a monkey.

I really feel as though we are all called to use our bodies to the best of our abilities. Soo… I did a drawing of my own body in an effort to discover my true calling.

As I’ve said before, my leg/arm to abdominal ratio closely resembles a Welsh Corgie…

But what I don’t often mention is my GI-NORMOUS ribcage. I could gain 300 pounds and still have protruding ribs.

Here’s what I came up with…

My legs and arms prevent me from being a real contender in running, swimming, or jumping so that leaves the following Olympic sports…



OK. What other things could my oddly shaped body be good at? Here’s what I came up with:

1 – Bearing children.
2 – Competitive eating
3 – Playing an anorexic or a zombie or an anorexic zombie a movie.


Chris vetoed child bearing.

I called my peeps at Warner Bros and they said my whole body would need to be thin... not just my ribs... to play an anorexic - plus they have plenty of real anorexics to choose from in Hollywood.

And they said they are using computer graphics for zombies these days – anorexic or otherwise.


I guess that only leaves one option….

I’m calling Hostess and Little Debbie to ask them if they’d be interested in supporting the next big thing in competitive eating.

Hilberto’s here I come!


Vanessa said...

Cracks me up! Seriously though, he has the bionic body.

sewcreative said...

Again, all that is from your dad's side of the family. Forget the fact that I have always told you that your grandmother jumped out of way too many trees when she was little, thus the really short legs. (I don't know what to say about those little stubs she has for arms) Every time I shorten her or uncle Jack's clothes, I swear I could make an entire other outfit. But again, your shape is all from your dad's side. Talk to him.

Love you , mom

Lizzie M. said...

Hello?!!? There's always "table tennis". C'mon....

Ashmystir said...

LOL. I love Phelps!

Stop criticizing your ribs until you've seen mine. They have lots of meat of them. And fat! ha.


Nicole said...

That's freakin' hot!!!! That made me giggle a lot:}